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You know what happens when things get quiet around here...

 
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Bill I Am
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Joined: 26 May 2007
Posts: 8809
Location: In the wilds of California

PostPosted: Mon Jan 26, 2015 10:14 am    Post subject: You know what happens when things get quiet around here... Reply with quote

A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophiliac, a zoophiliac and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution.

"Let's have sex with a cat?" asked the zoophiliac.

"Let's have sex with the cat and then torture it?" says the sadist.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it and then kill it?" shouted the murderer.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it again?" said the necrophiliac.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it again and then burn it?" said the pyromaniac.

There was silence, and then the masochist said: "Meow."

******************************************************

A grown man and child are walking through the woods at night. The kid says to the man "I'm scared." The man then says to the child "how do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone."
******************************************************

Johnny wakes up one morning and walks into his parents bedroom only to find them going at it. Dad notices Johnny and shots him a grin and a wink.

The next day, Dad comes home from work to find Johnny and Grandma going at in the living room. Dad walks in and screams "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?"

Johnny looks up at Dad and says, "It's not so funny when it's your mom, huh?"

*****************************************************

I had this joke about Jonestown, but the punchline is too long.

*****************************************************

A priest and a rabbi are at an inter-religious conference. After a session, they decide to go for a walk around a lake. On the other side of the lake, they both agree to go skinny dipping. Just as they are getting out of the water, they see a group of kids from the conference walking along the path. The priest puts his hands over his man-hood and waits for them to pass. He happens to glance over to the rabbi and sees that he has his hands over his face. Once the children leave, he asks the rabbi why he covered his face and not his package. The rabbi responds: The children from my Synagogue recognize me by my face.
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Larry
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Joined: 29 Jun 2007
Posts: 7378
Location: Winnetka, CA.

PostPosted: Tue Jan 27, 2015 8:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good ones... I especially liked the last one.
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Bill I Am
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Joined: 26 May 2007
Posts: 8809
Location: In the wilds of California

PostPosted: Wed Jan 28, 2015 4:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

BTW, in "researching" those jokes, I came across something....


....you guys know me and you know I love a good joke. I have heard and read some real hard core jokes in my time....but....

I saw one that now tops the list as THE grossest joke that I have ever seen or heard!

In fact, it is SO gross that I won't reprint it....

If you want to hear this one, you will have to be around a campfire with a bunch of "won'ts" ...


I won't tell this in front of a female
I won't tell this unless everybody at the fire has had at least TWO drinks.
I won't tell this unless everybody promises to not beat me up afterwards.
I won't be responsible if you get sick
I won't acknowledge that I even told the joke!
I won't tell this to anyone under the age of 21

Yea..it's THAT bad!!!
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Larry
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Posts: 7378
Location: Winnetka, CA.

PostPosted: Wed Jan 28, 2015 8:23 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeesh!!! That sounds bad!
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